Magic of the Heart
by Witchy-Althea
Summary: OotP Spoilers! Harry misses Sirius...what magic rules his heart? Slash!
1. Happy Birthday

Title: Happy Birthday  
  
Series: Magic of the Heart (Prologue/?)  
  
Author: Althea  
  
Feedback: althea@alexandria.cc  
  
Rating: PG-13 for theme eventual R  
  
Pairing: Harry/Sirius (implied preslash for now)  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't sue.  
  
Summary: Canis Major Drabble Challenge word "naïveté "  
  
Warning: AR. This is NOT a deathfic. Contains Suicide ATTEMPT. Mention of self-mutilation. Angst.  
  
Author's Note: Will be continuing this.  
  
Archive: Canis Major and my site, althea.dreamscrying.net once I get it posted there.  
  
Word Count: 498  
  
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Harry sat counting the minutes until midnight. It would be July thirty- first and his sixteenth birthday. He should have been happy, excited even. He just couldn't seem to muster the energy to pretend. He wasn't excited or happy. He didn't know if he ever would be again. How could he be? He was a murderer. Sirius was dead. His friends would send birthday presents and happy wishes, but none of it mattered. With the naïveté of a true Gryffindor and a child, he had thought that Sirius would always be there for him. He never suspected that he would lose the man who had become so important to him.  
  
No one even realized just how important. Sure they knew he blamed himself and that he loved Sirius and missed him greatly. No one realized just how much. He hadn't even realized what the animagus meant to him until he was gone. Somehow he had fallen in love with his godfather. He knew that it even if Sirius had lived he couldn't have done anything about it. Sirius would never have returned his feelings. Everyone would probably think there was something wrong with his feelings.  
  
The Boy Who Lived was gay and in love with his godfather who was wanted for murder and twenty years his senior. Now that man was also dead and Harry didn't know if he could go on. He knew he needed to live but he just didn't know if he could go on without even being able to see Sirius ever again. He felt so alone. He just wanted to hear Sirius, to be near him once more.  
  
He had decided to do it so he could be with Sirius again. Soon he would be going to stay at headquarters for the summer and then back to Hogwarts. If he was going to do it then it had to be now. The Dursleys wouldn't stop him even if they found him. They would be grateful to be rid of his unnaturalness. He had a razor that he had taken from the bathroom. He had cut himself, just to get used to the feel of the blade going through his skin. Tonight he would do it. At midnight he would take the step to join Sirius. He wasn't afraid; there was nothing for him here. His friends all had each other. They would go on without him. He needed Sirius. He had to be with him again.  
  
Almost time now. Thirty more seconds. The blade slowly bit into his flesh. Blood flowed and dripped onto the floor. It was almost over he could feel himself growing weaker and the room became blurry around the edges. Just before he lost consciousness he had one last thought.  
  
'This is what it is like to die.' As a bright red light enveloped him and the small second bedroom of Dudley Dursley in number 4 Privet Drive was empty. Except for a large pool of crimson on the floor.  
  
TBC 


	2. Dream Lover

Title: Dream Lover  
  
Series: Magic of the Heart (1/?)  
  
Author: Althea  
  
Feedback: althea@alexandria.cc  
  
Rating: R  
  
Pairing: Harry/Sirius (dream slash)  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't sue.  
  
Summary: Canis Major Drabble Challenge word "wanton"  
  
Warning: AR. This is NOT a deathfic. Contains Suicide ATTEMPT. Mention of self-mutilation. Angst.  
  
Author's Note: Will be continuing this. Won't be all drabbles.  
  
Archive: Canis Major and my site, althea.dreamscrying.net once I get it posted there.  
  
Word Count: 494  
  
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Harry was unconscious when they took him to the Mediwitch. He was having a lovely dream about soft lips and strong hands. His delirious mind took no notice of the real world. He didn't hear the gasps of surprise or the looks fear as he appeared. He only heard soft sighs, moans of pleasure, and looks of passion. He would not find out what had happened for some time. He slept on as the Mediwitch healed his cuts and treated his blood loss. He never felt the sting as his flesh was mended and scars were removed.  
  
He saw his love, Sirius. He knew he must have finally died since that is the only way he could be here with Sirius. Sirius kissed him gently and pulled back to look in his eyes. Harry wished he knew what Sirius was searching for, wished he would kiss him again. Instead, Sirius spoke.  
  
"Harry, I never knew you felt this way too. I love you. You shouldn't have done this though."  
  
Harry buried his head in the older man's neck. "I had to Siri. It was my fault. I couldn't live without you. Do you really love me too?"  
  
Deciding actions would speak louder then words, Sirius dove in with lips and hands. Showing the beautiful creature before him how he felt. He brushed his tongue against Harry's mouth, begging for entrance to that warm cavern. It was granted almost instantly, and he moaned into the kiss as tongues met and stroked eagerly. Bodies leaned into one another seeking friction. Hands roamed under clothing. Finally, they both broke for air.  
  
"Do you want this, Harry?" Sirius asked not knowing if he could stop but knowing he must if Harry asked.  
  
Harry moaned, "Yes! I want this more than anything."  
  
That was all Sirius needed to hear before he deftly stripped them both of there clothes and wasting no more time wrapped his hand around Harry's erection. As he stroked Harry, the younger man arched into the touch, wanton and wet. He whimpered as his lover prepared his entrance with tender care. He started begging with abandon.  
  
Sirius slowly entered the smaller man and stroked Harry's cock to distract him from the discomfort. Once he was inside that velvet passage fully, he paused to allow Harry to adjust. When Harry rocked back, Sirius began to thrust. At first he was slow, but soon the pace picked up, brushing Harry's prostate on every other thrust. Harry was keening as he rapidly neared release. He screamed Sirius' name as he found it in the arms of his lover.  
  
Those present were even more surprised when they heard him call out the name in the quiet ward. They wondered why the boy was calling out that name in what almost sounded like passion. The Mediwitch gave him some dreamless sleep potion and shooed everyone out. Stating that the boy needed rest and that they could come back once he awoke.  
  
TBC 


	3. Friends or Enemies

Hello! Sorry it has been so long since I updated! I know I told several of you I would be, but have been having some of the worst luck! First everyone got sick with this really bad flu and I had a temp of 104, then Christmas hit and I was having computer trouble. I sent it to Apple cause the part that was bad, the logic board, was recalled and they were supposed to fix it and send it back within 7-10 days! Yeah, right! Just recently got it back to find that the story I backed up was on a bad disk, so I had to rewrite it. I also lost a whole bunch of reviews. So Thanks to all of you who reviewed and sent words of encouragement. This chapter is short but there is a second chapter I am also uploading. I have a new email, since I have both a new ISP and the old email was giving me trouble with bouncing. I am not typing disclaimer, warning, etc since it is in the previous chapters. Review and let me know what you think. One last thing, I am looking for a beta. Anyone interested should email me and I will let you know my decision. The benefits of this are getting to read my stories before anyone else, which since you are all still reading I will assume you would like, and you get to fix all the things I don't have time for or simply can't enjoy doing. Email me at ally_cat@alltel.net  
  
Author: Althea  
  
New email address ally_cat@alltel.net  
  
Pairing: Harry/Sirius  
  
Friends or Enemies  
  
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Harry woke up to bright light shining in his eyes. He had no idea where he was, but he was pretty sure he wasn't dead. That meant that he had been dreaming. Damn! He really had hoped he was with Siri again. He looked around as his eyes adjusted to the light and thought that the room looked familiar. It looked like he was in Hogwarts, but everything looked different. He figured that one of the order members must have found him and brought him here. He then heard someone approaching.  
  
Madam Pomfrey approached the patient lying in the bed, having been alerted by a monitoring spell upon his awaking. She fire called Dumbledore to come down on her way over. They would all get some answers now. She hoped that there was no danger involved. She had enough people to look after as it was. She fussed over the patient, making sure he had healed properly and was in no danger.  
  
Harry frowned at the Mediwitch. "Madam Pomfrey, I'm fine. I feel fine now."  
  
Poppy huffed, "I'm the Mediwitch not you. I will decide when you are fine. How do you know who I am young man?"  
  
Harry stared at the witch. "What do you mean how do I know who you are? I've known you for almost five years. I've spent a lot of time here."  
  
Poppy frowned at him; just then the headmaster entered and walked over to them. Poppy spoke then to the headmaster. "He says he knows me. That he comes here quite often. He knew my name."  
  
Dumbledore just smiled at the Mediwitch and the young man before them. "So you know where you are do you my boy?" The Mediwitch walked away to give the headmaster time to talk to the boy.  
  
Harry smiled at the headmaster. "Yes, sir. I'm at Hogwarts. I'm not sure how I got here though. Did someone from the Order bring me?"  
  
Dumbledore frowned at the boy. "What Order would that be?"  
  
Harry looked confused for a moment. "The Order of the Phoenix, sir. I really wish no one had come for me though."  
  
Dumbledore looked wary now. "How do you know of the Order? No one did come for you, you appeared in the Great Hall three weeks ago. Madam Pomfrey used all her skill to heal you. You have been unconscious since you arrived due to blood loss. We would like to know just who you are?"  
  
Harry blinked, then blinked again. "You don't know me? Professor Dumbledore, it's me. Harry. I know about the Order because you and Remus, Moody, Tonks, and S-sirius all told me about it. Of course, I can't be a member because everyone says the Order doesn't take children. I do happen to think that's a little stupid since a child is supposed to save us all. I'm supposed to defeat Voldemort but I'm not allowed to join the Order. How did I just appear if no one came to get me?"  
  
Dumbledore was now very confused. "Remus and Sirius are not Order members my boy and I have no idea who Tonks is. You say your name is Harry? Harry what? You are supposed to defeat Voldemort? Interesting. What makes you think so?"  
  
Harry was very confused now. "Yes, Harry Potter. You told me. The Prophesy says that only one of us can live and the one who does must defeat the other. Don't you recognize me sir?"  
  
Dumbledore smiled. He was starting to get an idea of what had happened. "Harry Potter, can you tell me who your parents are?"  
  
Harry smiled, "Yes, sir. James Potter and Lily Evans Potter. I miss them very much, and Sirius too."  
  
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily, "I see. Well Harry, it seems you will still get to see them. You have apparently traveled back in time. When are you from, Harry?"  
  
"I am from nineteen ninety-six sir. What year am I in?"  
  
Dumbledore was very pleased about this it seemed. "You are in nineteen seventy-six my boy. Your parents will be in their sixth year, as I assume you would have been? Until we can find a way to send you back we will have to enroll you here. You won't be able to use your last name though. It would cause too many questions given your appearance. You look a great deal like James does."  
  
Harry grinned, "Yeah, everyone says that I look like him with my mum's eyes. What name should I take though?"  
  
"Well, do you have a middle name?"  
  
"Yes, sir. It's James."  
  
"How about we call you Harry James. It is your name so you will feel comfortable with it. No one will suspect because even though you look like James, you aren't identical to him and your name will not be Potter. They will not look to deeply as James is a common enough last name."  
  
"Thank you sir. Will I be sorted now or at the start of term?"  
  
"We will sort you now and you will be taken to Diagon Alley to get your supplies. I will provide you with an account which to draw upon. Do not worry about spending the money, you can pay me back later. For now, you will need to appear as though you belong and you will need supplies to do that. Classes start in a week."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
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The next couple of days passed quickly and he was released from Pomfrey's care. He went to Diagon Alley to get his supplies and also bought a broom. He knew he wouldn't likely get to play Quidditch, but he would need to be able to fly. He would miss it too much if he didn't. He returned to Hogwarts and went to meet Dumbledore to be sorted. He wanted to be in Gryffindor again because he knew his parents and Sirius and Remus were there. The headmaster greeted him and placed the Sorting Hat on his head.  
  
'Well Mr. Potter. You have come from the future. You were a Gryffindor there, but I wanted to put you in Slytherin. Yes, I can see why I would feel that way. You are very ambitious and eager to prove yourself. You are also impulsive and brave. You dislike the spotlight. You are unwilling to use others to get what you want. You are a conundrum. You wish to go into Gryffindor but Slytherin would be so good for you. Although, perhaps given where many of their loyalties lie it would be better if you were not there.'  
  
'Please, I really want to be close to my parents.'  
  
"Albus, we have a problem. Mr. Potter is well suited for both Gryffindor and Slytherin and I feel that he would gain from both houses. I do not know where to place him. He wishes to be in Gryffindor, and he is suited for this. I feel he could also benefit from Slytherin, it would prepare him for the trials he may yet have to face."  
  
Albus looked on kindly, "Well, my old friend, you could always do what you did with me."  
  
'Ah, yes. Harry you will have to be in...', "GRYFFINDOR and SLYTHERIN."  
  
Harry removed the hat and looked at the headmaster. "Sir, how is that possible? How can I be in two houses at once?"  
  
Dumbledore smiled and explained. "Well, when I was a student here, the hat had trouble placing me as well. It decided to place me in both houses so that I could gain experience that I would need later. It seems that you like me, will need that edge as well. You can choose where to live, you will have a place in both dorms. I would recommend alternating so that you get to know both houses. You can go to either Head of House and any points lost or gained by you will reflect in both houses. You will not be able to play on one of the teams unless both agree to the arrangement, this is not very likely. Since the sixth and seventh years don't take classes by House that will not be a problem. You will be placed after I have evaluated you."  
  
Since Harry's O.W.L.S. were not available, they would treat him like a transfer and Dumbledore would test his knowledge to place him in classes. He would then take those classes as his abilities allowed. He told Dumbledore that he would like to become an Auror so any of those classes necessary would be his first choices. His levels were all very good, and away from the pressures he felt when he took his real O.W.L.S., he did quite well. He would be able to take all the classes he needed to, although he decided to drop Divination. He knew that Trelawney didn't teach here yet, but he really didn't feel that he could gain anything from the class. He decided to try a course in Ancient Runes even though he couldn't take the N.E.W.T. level without tutoring.  
  
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On September first, Harry was very nervous. Would his parents and their friends really like him? Would he be their friend, or would they distrust that he was also in Slytherin? He waited in the Entrance Hall while the First Years were sorted. He would enter after and be introduced. He was more nervous then he could ever remember being.  
  
The doors opened as Headmaster Dumbledore made his announcements. Harry walked in slowly and every eye in the room turned to him. He blushed under the scrutiny. They wanted to know who this boy was and what he was doing here. The Hufflepuffs looked like they would like him no matter what. The Ravenclaws looked interested in a scientific manner, like they wanted to take him apart and see how he worked. The Gryffindors looked hopeful that he would join them and wish to torture the Slytherins. The Slytherins looked like they wanted to reserve judgment till they found out who he was.  
  
The headmaster addressed the room. "We have a new student here this term. His name is Harry James. He was schooled at home and now will be a sixth year here. I have tested him and he meets all requirements and has been sorted. Interestingly, the hat sorted him in a way that has only happened once before. He has been placed in both Gryffindor and Slytherin." At this announcement the Hall broke out in shouts from every direction. "Please, settle down. I was sorted this way myself. He will be a member of both houses and have a place in each. Both Heads of House should make themselves available for him. Please try and make this transition easy for him. Now tuck in."  
  
Harry was unsure where he should sit. He wanted to get to know the Slytherins since he really didn't know anything about them, but he wanted to sit with his father and the Gryffindors. So he decided to sit at the Gryffindor table for now. As he approached, they made no room for him to sit down. He saw his father on one side sitting next to Remus and Sirius and Peter on the other. He sat down near Sirius and Peter, although he really didn't want to sit by the rat.  
  
"Hi, I'm Harry." He said nervously to the group before him.  
  
Sirius looked at him warily. "I'm Sirius Black. This is Peter Pettigrew and those two over there are Remus Lupin and James Potter. Welcome to Hogwarts."  
  
Harry smiled at them all. He was very happy to see them, especially Sirius and his father. "Nice to meet you."  
  
James spoke up then. "So why are you in Gryffindor and Slytherin?"  
  
Harry flinched. He had been worried about this. He hoped they would still like him in the end. "Dumbledore says that it is to prepare me for something I have to do. He said that he was in both houses and that it will provide me with a unique perspective."  
  
Remus smiled at Harry. He liked the boy and hoped they would all become friends. "Well, it's nice to meet you Harry. You'll like it here."  
  
Harry relaxed a little. "Thanks."  
  
Sirius then spoke again. "Well I don't know if someone who was also sorted into Slytherin really ought to sit by us Gryffindors. Maybe you should go sit with the snakes."  
  
Harry looked up surprised. He could feel the dread pooling in his belly. "I'm a Gryffindor too."  
  
James picked up the conversation now, "No one who was really a true Gryffindor would also be sorted into Slytherin."  
  
Harry stood up, shaking with uncertainty. "S-sorry, I won't bother you then." He walked slowly over to the Slytherin table, hoping for better luck there. None of them made room for him though, except for one boy sitting by himself and reading a text while eating. Harry made his way over to the boy.  
  
"Hello, I'm Harry. Do you mind if I sit here?" 'Please say yes,' he thought.  
  
The boy looked up and his hair fell away from his face. It was Snape. "Doesn't matter to me. Do whatever you want."  
  
"Thanks. The Gryffindors don't want me to sit there because I'm a Slytherin and it seems the Slytherins don't want me to sit with them for the same reason, that I'm a Gryffindor I mean. What is your name?" he asked even though he knew who it was.  
  
"I am Severus Snape. I don't care much what you are as long as you leave me alone." Severus then resumed reading his book.  
  
Harry sunk down in his chair. 'Just wonderful. No one wants to talk to me. I thought being here would be great. No one likes me though. Not that I should be surprised that Snape won't talk to me.' "Yeah, sure. Won't bother you or anyone else. Hate this place."  
  
Severus looked up with a sneer and turned away from Harry without comment.  
  
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Harry decided to stay in the Slytherin dorm that night. It would have sounded suicidal, except that this generation of Slytherin had no idea who he was. The Gryffindors would come after him just because he was also a Slytherin. He sat up long after the others had fallen asleep. He had been so hopeful once he found out were he was. He would be able to be with Sirius again. Now all his hopes were dashed. He couldn't try to kill himself again. If they knew for sure what had happened to him, they would watch him more closely. He suspected that Dumbledore thought he was cut by Death Eaters after his talk of Voldemort.  
  
'If anyone thinks I would hurt myself, they would try to stop me. This is just to much though.' He slowly drew his razor blade across the skin of his arm. He felt so numb, but as the blood started to flow he almost felt something. Not quite, but almost. He pushed the blade a little deeper, with each millimeter he felt just a little more. Maybe he should go through with it. No one was likely to find him and even if they did, no one here would care.  
  
"What are you doing? Oh my Gods, you're bleeding really badly!" Severus said frantically.  
  
Harry looked up at Snape through hazey vision. "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm trying to save your life." Severus was casting healing spells on the skin of Harry's arms and he was wrapping material from his nightshirt around the raw pink wounds.  
  
Harry tried to pull away. "Why do you care? I know you don't! No one does! I don't want to be here! It's worse than ever! I have nothing here!"  
  
"Harry, calm down please. I'm sorry. I'm just not used to anyone wanting to talk to me that doesn't want to torment me. Please let me heal you. I do care, no one should die this way." Severus finished with all the spells he knew of to heal him.  
  
"Please don't tell anyone, please Severus?" Harry begged.  
  
"I won't. I promise. Just don't do this."  
  
"I didn't mean to. I just wanted to feel; but the deeper I went, the more I felt so I didn't want to stop."  
  
"I know," Severus lifted his sleeve to show Harry his arms. There were white lines crisscrossing the already pale skin. "I know, Harry. Next time come to me. I will help you."  
  
Harry traced the lines on Severus' arm and looked up at the boy who would become his most hated professor in the future. He wondered for one brief moment if there was anything he could do to befriend this sad boy who he knew was tormented in ways he couldn't imagine, despite what he had seen in the Pensieve. "I will. If you will let me be your friend as well. Please?"  
  
Severus looked at this boy who really resembled his most hated enemy and decided to follow his heart. He usually ignored it, beatings and cruelty had taught him that emotions were a weakness. He wanted to be friends with this boy though and he was going to do it. "Ok, Harry. We'll be friends."  
  
"Thank you, Severus." Harry's eyes were starting to droop. He was so very tired now.  
  
"Let's get you to bed, Harry." With that he lifted the other boy and place him in bed.  
  
Harry grabbed onto Severus as he went to turn away. "Stay Sev, please?" He felt safe with Severus. The man had always protected him even when he hated him. The boy who was to become his friend would surely be safe as well.  
  
Severus smiled at the sleepy shortening of his name. "Ok, Harry. I will." He settled down with the other boy and held him comfortably. They were both asleep in minutes.  
  
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The next morning Harry and Severus went to the Great Hall for breakfast together. They sat by themselves and no one talked to them. Harry noticed the Marauders watching them. He was very afraid that something was up. He now knew what they were capable of and he was worried about what they would do to him. He was the enemy now.  
  
They got up and left for class. It was Potions and Severus was very excited about it. On the way to the Dungeons, something hit them both. It was just a simple jelly legs jinx, but he knew it was just a warm up. They ended the spells and proceeded to class. It was just the start of the worst year of Harry's life.  
  
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Time passed slowly for Harry. Severus was an amazing student and tutored Harry in Potions till he almost rivaled Sev himself. He also studied on his own. He was learning to be an animagus. He wasn't doing it for any ulterior motives, he just really wanted to share a part of his family's past, especially since none of them wanted anything to do with him. He had been here for eight months and Severus was still the only friend he had.  
  
They looked out for each other. Harry was worried though. It was May and he knew that soon the incident at the Shrieking Shack was supposed to occur. He just didn't know exactly when. He was really close to complete his animagus transformation and he was trying to keep an eye on Sev so he would know when the incident was going to happen. Then he could keep it from happening. He didn't care about paradoxes. He was going to do things his way to keep his friend safe.  
  
He was on his way back from a walk by the lake when he happened to notice that it was a full moon and it was almost up. 'No! It's tonight. I have to do something. I'll never make it to the shack in time though.' He was running and then on pure instinct he changed into his animagus form. Four legs ran faster then two.  
  
As he got to the shack he saw his father starting to pull Severus out from the tunnel under the willow. Harry gripped Sev's clothes with his teeth and pulled harder so he would be free sooner.  
  
Sirius saw the black wolf-like dog approaching them at a run and was puzzled why an animal would help James to save Snape. The dog wasn't large and he thought it was a Siberian Husky. It had a strange mark above it' s eye. Like a bolt of lightening. Then before he could react further the dog wasn't a dog anymore, but Harry. The Slytherin crossbreed was an animagus?  
  
Harry held Severus, "Are you ok? I'm so sorry! I didn't realize!"  
  
Severus glared at James and Sirius and then looked at Harry, "You don't need to apologize. Black just tried to kill me. We need to see the Headmaster."  
  
Harry helped him to stand and the four boys walked slowly to Dumbledore's office. Harry knew the password so he gave it and they all went up the spiral stairs. Dumbledore opened the door and looked surprised to see them. It was going to be a long night. Harry knew that what was going to happen would be hard and that he would also have to talk to his father and godfather. Harry tuned out most of what was being said and waited until Sev was leaving looking less then happy.  
  
"Are you coming, Harry?" he asked anger and impatience clear in his voice.  
  
"I'll be there soon. I need to talk to someone first." Severus walked on. The Headmaster looked at Harry and then at the two mischief makers. "Sir, I think I need to explain a few things to them. I need to let them know a few things and hope that they can believe me."  
  
"Yes, Harry. That may be a wise decision. Why don't you run along? I'm sure I don't need to tell you to think carefully about what you reveal."  
  
"No, sir. Thank you." Harry looked at the other two boys and motioned for them to follow.  
  
Sirius frowned as they reached the bottom of the staircase, "Why should we follow you?"  
  
Harry smiled sadly, "You want answers and the only way you will get them is to come with me." He led them to the Room of Requirement and walked past three times thinking of a place where they could all talk comfortably. He then led them inside. "Please don't ask any questions until I've explained it all."  
  
Both boys nodded their acceptance warily.  
  
"First, I know you want to know how I knew to be there at the willow. I will explain, but I have to start at the beginning. I am going to tell you some things that I know I shouldn't but I don't care. I am not a transfer student. I wasn't home schooled or anything of the sort. I am from the future. Something went wrong over the summer and I got sent back here. I had to be resorted because since I hadn't been sorted yet in this time there was no record of my house. The hat put me in both my old house and a new house, Slytherin. I was originally a Gryffindor only. My name isn't just Harry James. It is Harry James Potter." There was a gasp from both boys at this and Harry held up a hand to forestall any questions yet.  
  
"Please just wait. At first I was really excited to get to spend time with you both, but then you hated me just because I was sorted into Slytherin as well. I hoped you would change your mind but you didn't. In my time I hated Snape as much as you do, or at least I thought I did. If it wasn't for him, though, I would have died the first night after I saw you. I tried to kill myself for the second time and almost succeeded, of course I wasn't really trying to kill myself. I just wanted to feel something. Anyway he saved me. When I first saw what happened after the O.W.L.S., I didn't want to feel pity for him. I had hated him for so long. You, Sirius, and Remus tried to convince me that it was just a prank and that you were just a little immature. You would all grow up, and it was Snape's fault anyway. He provoked you. He doesn't though. Neither do I, and maybe if I tell you how you made me feel then you might understand.  
  
I know so much about you, and so very little at the same time. I know your secrets but almost nothing about who you really are. People always say how much like you, James, that I am. I used to think it was a great compliment and loved hearing it. Then it started to hurt when they said it, because they either didn't really know what you were capable of or they expected me to be just like you and I'm not. I know that you both and Peter are animagi. I know that Peter is a rat and you call him Wormtail. I know Sirius, that you are a dog called Padfoot. I know that James, you are a stag called Prongs. I even know what Prongs looks like. Do you know I can create a fully corporeal Patronus? A stag just like Prongs. Or at least it was, because I always thought that you would protect me. Now I don't know what it would be. I know you call Remus, Moony. He's a werewolf and that's even why you became animagi.  
  
That's how I knew what was happening with Sev. I already knew about it. I just didn't realize it would be tonight, so I was late. I knew Sirius would tell him to go there and that James would save him thus placing a wizard's debt on him. I wanted to stop it, but I failed. That's why I am telling you what I know. I don't think I have a choice. So what questions do you have?" Harry held his breath waiting for the outburst that never came.  
  
James looked at him, "Your name is Potter?" At Harry's nod he continued. "Are you related to me?"  
  
Harry smiled, "Yes, I'm your son." He didn't elaborate though. If they wanted more information, they were going to have to ask.  
  
James looked over at Siri and asked what they were both thinking. "You said that you were excited to get to spend time with us, but why would you be so excited about that?"  
  
Harry got a distant look on his face. "In my time, your both dead. James died or well dies when I'm a baby and Siri just died well almost a year ago my time."  
  
Sirius looked shocked. "What happens to us?"  
  
James didn't know how to react. "What about your mother? Who is she and is she ok?"  
  
Harry held back the tears he feared would come. "Who do you think my mother is?"  
  
James sighed, "Lily Evens?"  
  
Harry smiled at the sappy expression on his father's face. "Yeah. We go into hiding. You, mum and me. We're put under Fidelius . Sirius is supposed to be our secret keeper, but he thinks it is too obvious. For some reason, you don't trust Remus and make Pettigrew secret keeper." He says that last with a snarl. "He betrays you and Voldemort finds us. He comes to Godrics Hollow and kills you first. Mum tries to save my life. She pleads with him to spare me. He kills her. Then he tries to kill me, only it doesn't work. I end up with a scar and he ends up a disembodied spirit. Everyone thinks he is dead but he isn't."  
  
Sirius looks like he doesn't know how to process this information. "So who takes care of you? Moony and me? With Peter in Azkaban, surely we would take care of you. Remus couldn't do it alone but I'm sure with both of us..." he trailed off as he saw the look on Harry's face.  
  
"Actually no. No one knew you switched. You went after Peter and he faked his death. He killed a whole lot of muggles and cut off his finger. He made it look like you went after him to kill him too and succeeded. You spent twelve years in Azkaban. Remus came to teach at Hogwarts in my third year and that is when I met him and them later you. I never did get to live with you. You were an escaped prisoner and Wormtail got away again. I only got to spend two years with you. I live with the Dursley's. Mum's sister Petunia, her husband Vernon, and their son Dudley."  
  
James looked sick, "Oh my Gods! Peter, and Siri...Azkaban!"  
  
Sirius looked rather gray, "Am I still, sane?"  
  
Harry smiled at his godfather, "Yes, you would be Padfoot as often as possible. It kept you sane. That and the thought that you were innocent. It wasn't a happy though you see. They couldn't take it away."  
  
Sirius looked closer at Harry, then he walked over and lifted his fringe. "This is the scar, the one you said he left you with? You had it in you animagus form as well."  
  
Harry looked surprised, "Yeah that's it. I tried to keep everyone from noticing. Otherwise they might put two and two together. I became an animagus so I could share some of your life. You didn't want anything to do with me. I just needed to feel close to you."  
  
James looked down, "We're sorry, Harry."  
  
Sirius smiled, "Yeah, we didn't know."  
  
Harry grinned, "Can we start over? I can't be alone like this."  
  
Sirius looked at him closely, "Did you really try to kill yourself?"  
  
"Yeah. The first time was intentional and that's how I ended up here though we have no idea how. The second time, I just wanted to cut and went too deep."  
  
Both boys embraced Harry, whispering comforting words. They felt horrible that they had treated him the way they did.  
  
As they pulled away, Sirius grabbed Harry's arm before he could try to escape. "We will start over. Tomorrow come visit Remus with us. We will explain everything to him and then we can get to know each other."  
  
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As Harry got back to the Slytherin dorms, he found Sev sitting up looking out the window that was charmed on the wall. He looked scared and sad and only about five years old.  
  
"Sev, what's wrong?"  
  
Sev looked up at Harry. "Who did you have to talk to? Was it them?"  
  
Harry looked a little confused and then his mind cleared. "You mean James and Sirius? Yes, I was talking to them."  
  
"How did you know I would be there? And since when are you an animagus?"  
  
Harry didn't know what to say so he just explained the whole thing to Sev. He only hoped that in gaining his family back he wouldn't lose his best friend. Severus reacted to the story with some trepidation. He knew his friend, but the thought that he was also the son of his worst enemy was hard to take. He didn't want to lose Harry, to go back to being alone. Maybe Harry wouldn't leave him. Maybe Severus would look past his hatred of James Potter.  
  
TBC  
  
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Ok so like I said thanks to all who reviewed. Please review! I love you all. 


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